Revelation 12:11 "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death."
Our testimonies are important to the Lord as well as a testament to our walk.
Matthew 7:16 "Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?"
Given that some people reading this blog may not know me personally (and even for those who do) I thought it important to share my testimony. It is a bit long, so bare with me.
I was raised in a home that went to church. We attended the Methodist church almost every Sunday and were pretty involved in the activities. I remember singing in the choir and even being in a play. I did not know who Jesus was, though. Church was just something we did. When I was in my early years of grade school, we stopped going to church when the one we were attending got a new minister.
When I was in junior high, a friend of mine invited me to go to a summer camp with her church. It was a lot of fun, and I got my first glimpse of Jesus. I accepted Him that summer, but still didn't quite know who He was.
Fast forward to my freshman year in high school. I recommitted my life to Christ and for the first time, was really beginning to understand who He was. I did not, however, have a personal relationship with Him, so even though I was trying to be a good Christian, it was all flesh, because I did not know how to allow Christ to work through me.
I became very involved in my church, which was Baptist. I learned many truths of the Word of God that the Methodist church did not teach. I was baptized at this church and even went on a missions trip over seas. I went to "big" church Saturday evening and then high school group after. I also was involved in a shepherding group (bible study) on Monday nights as well as high school group again on Wednesdays. In my eyes, I was very religious, attending so many things and trying to be a good Christian. I was still going it alone, without a real personal relationship with Christ.
After high school I had a hard time getting plugged into the college group. In hindsight, I think it was because I was so immature. So, I decided to go back to the high school group, but this time as a shepherding leader. My best friend and I had about 8 to 10 girls that we led in a shepherding group.
It was during this time, though, that my lack of relationship with the Lord really took it's toll. I began drinking, smoking, and even doing some drugs. I would go out and party on Friday night, and then go to high school group on Saturday evenings. The first thing I would do after the shepherding girls went home after bible study was open a beer and light up a cigarette. I even lost my virginity during this time.
My friend decided that we should step down as group leaders. I fought her at first, but I finally admitted she was right. I approached two very influential women at my church and asked them for help. Unfortunately, neither one of them stepped up to help me.
It was only about a year that I was heavy into the party seen. I was about 23 when I met my husband and he was very adamant that I don't drink or smoke. Although he was not (and still isn't) saved, he hates alcohol, smoking, and drugs. His reasonings are his story, so I won't go into detail with that.
So, I stopped drinking, and doing drugs, and only smoked when he wasn't around. I did finally get to the point when I didn't do any of that, but it's a specific that doesn't need to be recounted.
Although I was no longer drinking, smoking, or doing drugs, I was still on a spiritual downward spiral. I began to doubt that God existed. I began to form an opinion of what I thought was a unique perspective on the world and spirituality only to find that it had a name: paganism.
I went to the library and picked up books on paganism, Wicca, and mythology. I enrolled in an online class to become a Wiccan, and after a year and a day, I received a certificate saying that I had passed. I was an official Witch. I had never been so alone in my life.
Meanwhile, my husband and I got married (by a judge) and began talking about getting pregnant. I continued my studies into paganism and witchcraft and even decided to raise our future children as Wiccans. My studies in the occult did dwindle the more I researched pregnancy and parenting, which I will take as a blessing.
Even after having my daughter, I was more lonely than ever. The occult, for obvious reasons, was not filling the void that was obviously there due to my lack of relationship with Christ. I remember having dreams that something was attacking me and I would rebuke them in the name of Jesus. My heart still new Jesus, even if you mind refused to accept Him.
When my daughter was two and a half, my menstrual cycle had yet to return. I was nursing her at the time, so I decided to wean her thinking that it may be affecting my cycles. After six months and no menstruation, I knew something was wrong.
A trip to the midwife confirmed my worst fears: I had developed Asherman's Syndrome after the birth of my daughter. Due to retained placenta, and a subsequent D&C, the interior of my uterus had completely scarred shut. I was, for all intense purposes, infertile.
I was devastated to say the least. I had always said that the one thing God would not do to me because I wouldn't be able to handle it, was to take my fertility from me. Here I was, faced with the exact situation I said I wouldn't be able to handle. God knows me so much more than I know myself. It was this exact situation that He used, in His infinite wisdom, to get me to turn to Him.
And that is exactly what I did. On my way home from the midwifes, I cried my heart out to God. I prayed, "Lord, if you give me another baby, I will go back to church." I knew that was not what God had in mind though.
My neighbor, and friend, was a Christian, so I approached her and asked if she wanted to start a bible study. She was overjoyed! Her prayer group had been praying for me to come back to the Lord, and their prayers were answered!
About a month later, I had my first surgery to remove the scar tissue. The doctor had said that he was not able to remove the scar tissue around my tubes, so they were still blocked. It was about that time that I went to the prayer group for the first time. It was also then that I first heard about being filled with the Holy Spirit. (Acts 2:4, Acts 4:31, Acts 8:14-17, Acts 19:6
I was baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost that day. It was the most amazing experience of my life. I gained a better understanding of what it meant to be a disciple of Christ in an instant. It was as if scales fell off of my spiritual eyes (Acts 9:18). Even scripture seemed more real and alive! (1 Corinthians 2:14)
The next day I went in for a test to see what the state of my uterus was post surgery. Praise be to God, both of my tubes were open! This is after the doctor told me that he was not able to remove the scar tissue from the tubal openings! I had witnessed a miracle!
I thank God as many times I can remember to, for allowing me to develop Asherman's Syndrome. It was what brought me back to Him! I realize how much it probably broke His heart to cause me that pain. That is how much He loves me. That is how much He loves you!
My walk over the past three years has not been an easy one. It has been riddle with persecution, false teachings, and heart ache. As of now, I am still infertile, but am believing that God will heal me "by His stripes." In the meantime, my husband and I are looking into adoption.
Each day brings a new lesson that God is teaching me. Just when I think I have a handle on a certain scripture or teaching, God shows me how much deeper it really goes! He shows me how limited my knowledge is, and that without Him and His guidance, I will always fall short of His design for me.
In Him,
Tami
